The Ha Ha Page 2

~ DARWIN CANDIDATES ~

One of our candidates buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $35,000+, and has $400+ in monthly payments. He's pretty proud of this rig, so he rounds up his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. It's winter in Michigan, so they go duck hunting, and, of course, all the lakes are frozen. These two "Atomic Brains" arrive at the lake with their guns, the driver's pet black Labrador Retriever, the beer, and of course, the new vehicle. They drive out onto the ice.

Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on. They figure they need to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land - they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill. Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse.

To their credit, these two "Rocket Scientists" DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice far away from the new Jeep Grand Cherokee, and ran back quickly from the imminent explosion, that they would risk slipping on the ice and could possibly go up in the resulting blast. After a little deliberation, they come up with lighting and THROWING the dynamite, which is what they do.

Remember the driver's dog? The RETRIEVER. You guessed it, the dog watches them throw the stick of dynamite and takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice, reaching the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice - all to the woe of the two "Idiots" who are now yelling, stomping, waving arms, and wondering what the hell to do now.

The proud dog prances back toward the "Hunters" with the lit stick of dynamite in his happy mouth, head held high. I think we all can picture the ever-increasing concern on the part of the brain trust, as the loyal Labrador Retriever approaches, tail wagging vigorously, fuse getting shorter. The duck hunters are now REALLY waving their arms -yelling even louder, and feeling generally panicky.

Finally, one of the guys decides to step out of character and THINK. He grabs his shotgun and shoots at the dog. Normally this would be a good idea, but because the shotgun was loaded with #8 duck shot, it is not effective in stopping a large black Lab. The dog DID pause for a moment, slightly confused, but then continued on toward them. Another shot, and this time the dog - still standing, became REALLY confused and SCARED.

Thinking that these two "Nobel Prize Winners" have gone TOTALLY INSANE, the pooch takes off to seek cover, still clutching the stick of dynamite with the now extremely short fuse still burning and getting shorter. The dog finds shelter beneath the brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Dog dies, vehicle falls into new hole in ice and sinks to the bottom of the lake, and these two "Co-Leaders of the Known Universe" are left standing there with this "I can't EVEN believe this happened to me" look on their faces.

Later, the grieving dog master and distraught former-owner of the Jeep Grand Cherokee calls his insurance company and is promptly informed that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT covered on his policy and he is still obligated to make his first car payment.

~ thanks Jason ~

~ "God Speaks" Billboards seen in Cleveland ~

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. - God

C'mon over and bring the kids. - God

What part of "Thou Shalt Not..."didn't you understand? - God

We need to talk. - God

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. - God

Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. - God

That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. - God

I love you and you and you and you and... - God

Will the road you're on get you to my place? - God

Follow me. - God

Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. - God

My way is the highway. - God

Need directions? - God

You think it's hot here? - God

Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. - God

Do you have any idea where you're going? - God

Don't make me come down there. - God

~ thanks Jerry ~

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

10. Why it is good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. FAT CLOTHES.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:

1. OTHER WOMEN!!!!

~ thanks KYLADY-24 ~