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~ Name withheld to protect the guilty ~

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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone:

Listen up ...

Now get this ...

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a

phone call I had to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said,

"This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me!

I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude!

After I hung up with Robin, I saw the wrong number still lying there on my desk.

I decided to phone again.

When the same man once more answered, I yelled,

"You're a jackass!" and hung up.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills,

or had a really bad day, I'd call him.

He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"

It would always cheer me up.

Then one day I had an idea!

I called him, then heard his voice say, "Hello."

I made up a name ... then said,

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said,

"That's because you're a jackass!"

you can do something about it ...

Just dial - .

Wait there's more...

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.

I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.

Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.

I started honking my horn and yelling,

"You can't just do that , Buddy. I was here first!"

The guy climbed out of his black Porsche completely ignoring me.

He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.

I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car.

I wrote down the number.

Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk.

"You're a jackass!"

(It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)

I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Porsche lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."

I said, "Is this the man with the black Porsche for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street.

It's a

yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes." replied Don.

"Don, you're a jackass !" I said.

And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me.

Now when I had a problem

I had two jackasses to call !!

Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought ...

and came up with a solution:

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1.

A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass !"

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said," Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's you name, pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

He said, "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street.

"I'm coming over right now, Don" ...

"You'd better start saying your prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jackass !"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I asked.

"I'll kick your butt." he said.

"Well, here's your chance.

I'm coming over right now Jackass !"

Then I picked up the phone and called the police.

I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and

Another quick call

It was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

I dedicate this page to my ex husband Labtec because it is his birthday today!

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